Check yo self before you wreck yo self

We’ve all been through our fair share of breakups, and if there’s one thing that delays emotional healing more than anything, it’s social media sites. Let’s not beat around the bush — it’s incredibly easy to stalk our exes online (but don’t worry, we’ve all done it). With a few simple taps on your smartphone, you can easily dig up information better than a C.I.A. agent and see what your ex is doing; who he’s hanging out with, what he’s eating, where he’s hanging out (I say all this at the risk of sounding extremely creepy, but that’s just how it is). So before you go stalker-mode on your ex, read these tips and save yourself from some unnecessary heartache.

Stop and ask yourself why you need to check on him. What good would come out of it? What do you have to gain? You’re only going to make yourself feel bad — plus it’s probably not the best idea to spend your valuable time creeping on someone who doesn’t deserve your attention. If you see him having fun in his Instagram pictures or see him tagged in a photo with a hot girl on Facebook, you’ll just feel worse about yourself. If you see there isn’t anything interesting going on with him through his online profiles, you’re still comparing yourself to him, and that’s unhealthy (not to mention useless and pretty embarrassing).

Don’t compare your life to his, especially online, because that’s an inaccurate measurement of real happiness and success. If it seems like he’s moving on faster than you are, then that’s fine. Stop and take a deep breath before you go and cut the bitch who’s posting on his Facebook timeline. If he’s not moving on quickly, then that’s fine too. It doesn’t matter. You are your own person, unrelated to him. His life is not a reflection of yours, and vice-versa. Just focus on your own personal growth, and do whatever it takes to make yourself genuinely happy.

Instead of putting your investigative skills to use, do something positive for yourself. Here are a few ideas:

Talk to a friend or family member.
Take a moment to be grateful for what you have in your life (including the awesome people who do love you).
Dance like crazy to your favorite song.
Smile.
Listen to soothing music.
Write.
Draw.
Just don’t succumb and stalk him online.

Remember, he probably wasn’t perfect. Maybe he flirted with other girls or didn’t make you feel like the most special girl in his life. Maybe he only listened to top 40s. Maybe he never watched Community despite the number of times you recommended it to him. Maybe he didn’t get along well with your best friend. Even if you thought he was the next best thing to Ryan Gosling, there were probably things about him that you don’t miss — and now you don’t have to deal with them!

By simply reading this article, you’ve proven that you’re willing to try to move on with your life and hang up your private investigator hat — that’s a huge step in itself. So give yourself a pat on the back and enjoy the single life, because you’re awesome!

Note: I use male pronouns referring to the “ex” throughout this article (without intending to be gender exclusive) but feel free to switch them to female pronouns if you are/were dating a girl!

-Chloe