All Posts, Relationship Advice

How to Get Your Partner to Spend More Time with You Without Seeming Needy

Asking your partner to give you more attention or spend more time with you is tricky because it’s easy to come off as needy, if you approach the subject incorrectly. It’s a problem many people face, and is definitely a one I’ve faced many times in past relationships. To figure out the root of your problem, you might want to try thinking introspectively first before talking to your partner about it.

So before you go and tell off your partner for being a horrible negligent asshole, you should re-evaluate how much attention you really need. If you wish your partner would at least see you once or twice a week, that’s a reasonable request. But if you expect your partner to be with you 24/7, and you get upset when he doesn’t meet that expectation, that’s another story.

I used to freak out if my boyfriend didn’t respond to a text for over an hour or if I saw him talking to other people on Facebook when I was still waiting for him to talk to me (yes, I know I used to be a psycho). But instead of blaming him for not making enough time for me, I should’ve made more time for myself. I should’ve been content with the time we spent together but make myself happy when we were apart.

Nobody should make their partner the only thing that makes them happy (much less when you’ve only been dating for a few months). If you think it through and realize that you do spend a reasonable amount of time with your partner, find other things to occupy your time that make you happy, or spend time with other friends. Your partner isn’t the only person in the world who you can have a good time with.

If you notice that your partner doesn’t make time to see you regularly (at least a few times a week, if not once minimum) or doesn’t even bother to contact you through texts or calls every day or so, then you have a reason to ask for more time together. If you two agreed to be in a relationship, that usually entails spending time with each other.

When approaching this subject with your partner, keep a few things in mind: First, don’t accuse him of ignoring you or not wanting to spend time with you. He’ll probably get hurt, angry, or defensive, and will be less receptive to giving you more attention. Second, let him know how you feel. You are his partner, you adore him, and you just want more time with him. If you explain it in a way that makes him feel good about himself and help him to understand where you’re coming from, the outcome is more likely to be positive. Don’t tell him you need to be with him all the time, because you’ll come off as clingy. Just let him know you’d love to see him more often.

Also, you could try setting up fun dates to go on with him. If he has fun, enjoys the time spent with you, and sees how much effort you put into it, he might just want to do the same for you.

–Chloe